Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
