I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize