I would go down on you faster than GM stock
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
