Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
