even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
