I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't like sucking hair
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
