Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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