He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize