Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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