There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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