you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
