Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
