My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
