allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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