This is not my ceiling
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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