my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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