Whod you bang
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
