we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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