just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
