quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
