He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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