I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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