Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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