dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
