sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize