Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
