please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
