They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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