At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
