We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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