I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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