We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
