Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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