I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
