Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
