I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
