I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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