Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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