Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
