Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
