I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
