Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
