Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
