Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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