i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize