I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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