I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
