Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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