Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
