why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
