Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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