just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Help. Why am I so naked?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
