every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
