we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
