Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
