you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
