he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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