Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
