First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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