i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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