Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
