Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
