O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
